Dear Rebeccah Beushausen..."I Know What It's Like"

This blog entry is dedicated to Rebeccah Beushausen.  I truly have compassion for her.   I do not condone what took place, and my heart goes out to all who were hurt and who are still hurting as a result of everything surrounding the "April Rose" blog.  However,  I felt like the Lord inspired me to write this to heighten an awareness concerning some very real spiritual battles that she may be facing, and to testify that there is hope even in the midst of overwhelming devastation.  The hope we have in Christ can genuinely and drastically change the course of our lives and bring us to a real and lasting victory over our past.  My hope is that many will rise up in intercession for Beccah, with hearts that are burning with the very compassion and unconditional love of Christ.   

I know what it’s like…

to have been taken advantage of,

to have suffered at the hands of my own poor decisions

and to have walked a long, foggy road where those two worlds converged.

But praise God I now also know what it’s like…

to not only know but feel like a new creation in Christ,

to watch in awe as the Lord has restored the years that the enemy tried to eat away

and to live a life characterized by uncompromising faith and victory over the enemy.

 

I know what it's like…

to have had deep rivers of emotional pain running constantly through my soul,

to have stooped to desperate measures in order to relieve the torment 

and to have compromised my faith in God in order to try and ease my suffering.

 

But praise God I now also know what it’s like…

to live where the peace of God reigns in my heart and in my soul,

to experience inexpressible joy even in the midst of severe trials

and to know, that I know, that I know that the joy of the Lord is my strength.

 

I know what it's like…

to have battled the fierce and unmerciful demons of addiction,

to have felt like I just simply didn’t have the strength to make the right choices

and to have struggled continuously with things I so desperately wanted to turn away from.

 

But praise God I now also know what it’s like…

to triumph over the demons of addiction and demolish strongholds in the name of Jesus,

to overcome temptation because I have the Greater One living on the inside of me

and to know that I am more than a conqueror over the power of darkness.

 

I know what it's like…

to have betrayed the very people who were reaching out to me and trying to help me,

to have recognized that people had very legitimate reasons for not trusting me

and to have come to the realization that I did not even trust myself.

 

But praise God I now also know what it’s like…

to trust in Lord with all my heart even when I can’t wrap my mind around it,

to watch God miraculously straighten out my crooked paths and order my steps

and to experience healing and restoration in relationships which I thought were beyond repair.

 

I know what it's like…

to have watched my world slowly unravel the more I tried to keep it together,

to have made excuses and lived in denial for extended periods of time

and to have sincerely questioned my sanity.

 

But praise God I now also know what it’s like…

to just be still and know that He is God and I am not,

to overcome the intimidation of the spirit of fear

and to walk in the Spirit of power, of love, and of a sound mind.

 

I know what it’s like…

to have occasionally thought that maybe I had wandered too far from the hand of God,

to have seriously doubted that I would ever be completely, healed, delivered and set free

and to have wondered if anyone would ever take me seriously and believe in me again.

 

But praise God I now also know what it’s like…

to be overcome with gratitude that the Lord was faithful to bind up my broken heart,

to have complete faith in the healing and deliverance power of the Lord

and to want people to take God seriously and believe in Him more than in me.

 

I know what it's like…

to have felt ridiculous asking for forgiveness for the same thing countless times,

to have felt like I was drowning in a raging sea of guilt, shame and condemnation

and to have felt unworthy of my Heavenly Father's love.

 

But praise God I now also know what it’s like…

to not only know I am forgiven but to feel like I’m forgiven in the depths of my heart,

to feel like I’m drowning in the sea of God’s mercy, love and grace

and to have a revelation of the Father’s love that has nothing to do with my worthiness.

 

I know what it's like…

to have felt like a horrible witness for Christ and also a downright stumbling block,

to have questioned my salvation because of my weaknesses and my failures 

and to have felt certain that God would never be able to use me for His Kingdom purposes.  

 

But praise God I now also know what it’s like…

to be excited about the call upon my life and wonder how God is going to use me next,

to see God be glorified through the very things that the enemy meant for my harm

and to know the pleasures of being used by God to help set others free.

 

I know what it’s like…

to have wondered how it was even possible to mess my life up so badly,

to have continuously beat myself up because I hadn’t forgiven myself

and to have felt like I deserved to suffer forever because I dug my own pit.

 

But praise God I now also know what it’s like…

to be rescued for good and washed clean from the muddy pit of my past, 

to forgive myself  and to be able to think about my past sins without falling apart

and to know that, with Christ, my past will definitely not define my future.

 

I know what it's like…

to have wondered if I would ever see the light at the end of the tunnel,

to have sincerely wished that it would all be over and that I would just die

and to have felt so completely and utterly distant from God.

 

But praise God I now also know what it’s like…

to realize that I serve the God of the miraculous and that all things are possible with Him,

to walk in a freedom in Christ that I didn’t even know existed

and to enjoy the gift of uninterrupted intimacy with my Heavenly Father. 

YES,  I  know what it’s like!