Thanks Janet!!!

In light of the topic of Chad's last sermon, I felt this would be the perfect way to start my blog. There's no better way to start my story than to describe the very event that changed my life forever- my conversion experience, one of the greatest relational encounters in my life.

Let me take you back to that day in early April 2000. I was a distraught young woman, entangled in the consequences of a montage of bad decisions brought on by my own ignorance and rebellion. Involved in a not-so-God-honoring relationship, I was already a mother, and 7 months pregnant with my second child. I had long since dropped out of college where I had once followed the path of studying to become an engineer. I had deferred all of my hopes and my dreams into a relationship that was not only going nowhere, but it was sucking all of the life, self-confidence and self-esteem that I once had right out of me. Intense feelings of despair and depression replaced any feelings of happiness or confidence I once had.

My mom was more than familiar and extremely concerned with my downward spiral and would have done anything to help me (and her grandchildren). She encouraged me to go talk to someone we both knew. Her name was Janet, and she had been our next-door neighbor from my childhood home for almost 15 years. After much persistence, my mom convinced me to go see Janet. Honestly, I only went because my mom wouldn't let up on the issue, and although I thought Janet was a nice person, I surely didn't think there was anything she could say to make me feel better about, much less change, my horrible situation. Unbeknownst to me at the time, Janet was a Christian, and I was about to find out the reason behind the kindness, goodness and sheer genuineness that I had witnessed in her life and the life of her family (mostly from a distance) for all of those years.

I reluctantly ended up in Janet's living room, and it didn't take long before I was spilling out my heart to her. She has such a gentle, tender and understanding spirit, and I truly felt like she cared for me in spite of all my mistakes and shortcomings that I confessed to her (talk about being Christ-like!). I felt like I could trust her because she wasn't critical or judgmental at my state of affairs. She just listened patiently and attentively as I talked and cried my eyes out.

After a while, Janet switched gears and the conversation unexpectedly turned from me and my problems to God and the Bible. Right away with the mention of "religious things," my guard went up along with all the little hairs on the back of my neck. I was caught off guard, feeling suspicious and maybe even a little angry, but I thought I should give her the courtesy of listening to whatever she wanted to say, seeing as she had just listened to me so patiently.

I believe one of the very first things she asked me was whether or not I believed the Bible was true. How could I even answer a question like that because I had never studied the Bible before? I mean I had never really sought out in my heart to learn about God and what my purpose here on this Earth really was, or what Jesus had really done for me or, much less, what God really expects from those who call themselves Christians.

Growing up, I had heard plenty of things about God, Jesus and the Bible and had been fed a lot of religion. For instance, I knew I believed in Jesus. I thought I was going to heaven because I had half-heartedly digested a small fraction of the Gospel message, which included the part about believing in Jesus, the part about grace and forgiveness, and the part about a loving God. I certainly didn't realize that I was a sinner in need of a Savior so I definitley had no knowledge or understanding of what it meant to turn away from my sins, and the concept of obeying Him and submitting my life to His will was something I would have never been able to comprehend.

My beliefs were something along these lines- God exists, and there are many roads that lead to Him (like any "good" organized religions or "good" spiritual beliefs), but no one could possibly know much about Him or His nature other than the fact that He's good and He's loving, of course. In addition, the only people that won't go to heaven are child-molesters, ax-murderers, Satan-worshippers, etc. You get the point. It all seemed right. It made sense to me, (like I made the rules or something) I guess since I knew I certainly didn't fall into the "bad people" group, my ticket to heaven was punched, and I didn't need to spend any time or energy pursuing God.

Back to Janet's question of whether or not I believed that the whole Bible was true, I know at that point in my life, I must have fumbled around for an answer that sounded half-way intelligent and politically correct or something (I don't remember my exact response), but the truth was I had no clue because I had neither read the Bible nor studied it for the intent of seeking God in any way whatsoever. The harsh reality that I faced at that moment was that I had invested practically nothing into researching the basis for my beliefs which led to my FALSE assurance of where I would spend eternity. OOPS!

Janet assured me that the entire Bible was true and took me on somewhat of a crash-course through hers, explaining and answering all of my questions with chapter and verse from scripture. At some point, I was sold on the fact that the Bible was true- every last word of it. Then the most incredible thing happened, Janet showed me in the Bible that God loved me (even though I didn't love myself at the time.) It was actually pretty unbelievable to realize that God loved me so much that, not only did He send His son, Jesus, to die for my sins, but I could cast all of my burdens upon Him also. It was amazing. My spiritual blinders were completely removed and my heart was wide open to accept Jesus as my Lord and my Savior.

I wanted everything that God had to offer and was ready and willing to repent of my sins and turn my life over to Him. Janet held my hands and prayed with me and an unexplainable warm current of intense peace, joy and love ran through my hands and down my entire body, and if by any chance I wasn't sure that I had encountered the One and Only Living God before that happened (which by the way I was absolutely certain that I had) then that would have sealed the deal! I wish I could describe that AWESOME feeling. I think it was just an itsy-bitsy glimpse of what heaven will be like, in the presence of God!

I cannot explain how good it felt to know that absolute truth existed at a time in my life when there was so much pain, anxiety and uncertainty. It was such a relief to be able to anchor myself on "the Solid Rock" of Jesus, my Savior, and to know that His answers to all of my questions were true and sufficient and that by trusting in His ways He could sustain all my needs.

That encounter is so dear to my heart! I wish I could remember every last detail of that fateful Spring afternoon from the time I sluggishly waddled (7 months pregnant) with my shoulders hung low and my eyes fixed downward into Janet's living room to the time, many hours later, that I seemingly skipped out of her house with my heart leaping for joy. Janet told me herself that I had a glow, and I knew it was the outward manifestation of the new hope I had in Jesus that was bubbling over in my heart.

That pivotal day I gave my life, along with numerous cares and countless burdens, over to Jesus, and that was the beginning of my new life with Him in the driver's seat. I don't want to leave anyone (who doesn't know any better of course :) ) with the impression that life has been nothing but a smooth, leisurely adventure down a safe country road since April 2000. It hasn't. The "ride" would have and could have been a lot smoother had I not kicked Jesus out of the driver's seat so many times especially at the beginning of our journey together. I guess the longer we, as Christians, travel, the more we realize that we are simply destined to wreck if we insist on being in the driver’s seat even for a moment.

However, praise be to Jesus who meets us right where we are after a "break-down," and only upon our invitation does he lovingly fix the vehicle and take control of the wheel once again, leading us on the straight and narrow path of His will and onward toward our final destination, Heaven!

Thanks to everyone who patiently hung in there with me while I, sometimes stubbornly, allowed Jesus to work the major kinks out of my life. You know who you are!

I found out later that Janet had been praying for my salvation for many years, and I am so very, very, very grateful of her persistence and faithfulness in the Lord. She is still an inspiration in my walk with the Lord to this day, and I can only hope that God allows me to be present when He shows her the ripple effect that that one relational encounter we shared in April 2000 had on His kingdom.